Probably will later regret this post

But I told myself I would tumblr uncensored.

I just watched Crazy, Stupid, Love on the plane which isn’t really that crazy a film, but it is kinda stupid. As for the love bit, well, Ryan Gosling is in it, but it’s probably his worst “love film” of his many, many “love films”.

Anyway watching it reminded me of the fact that the last guy I hooked up with looked a bit like Ryan Gosling (I know, lucky me).

The night we met he was coming out of a cab heading to the same warehouse party as me in Beijing and from the get go I thought he was pretty cute. We hung out all night and at some point we were on the dancefloor and he pulled me over and kissed me.

I didn’t have any intention of sleeping with him when we got in a cab together to take us to our respective homes, but I guess it didn’t take that much convincing.

He stayed the night at my place and the next morning we lay in bed and chatted lazily and I thought he was pretty cool and funny.

Up till now the story has all the makings of a Ryan Gosling fantasy. But Ryan Gosling fantasies are totally removed from reality which is why at some point the supply of RG sparkle runs dry and the prosaicness of the real deal kicks in.

When we met up again three days later it was kind of awkward but OK, and we were chatting away, drinking cold beers in a hutong cafe. At some point he tells me he has a house in Dublin and I ask him who’s living there while he spends his one year in China. And he says, “my girlfriend.”

And I’m like, “oh, OK then!” But I still don’t object when he puts his hand on my leg and arranges another date with me.

Well the rest can be summarised in one sentence: we had a few more adult sleepovers that were very sexy but the feeling was entirely friendly rather than romantic. And when he didn’t answer my last couple of texts I didn’t push it seeing as he had a girlfriend and all.

So that’s what an in-real-life Ryan Gosling is. No undying devotion. No bad-boy turned good. Just a few, friendly, meaningless one-night stands that disappear into the ether.

le-phare:

Having an indentured plus-one around all the time, though, is something that people in relationships take for granted. It’s only after a breakup that you come to fully appreciate the convenience of the arrangement you once had. When you’re single, the act of making plans becomes a complex structure, puffed up full of variables, threatening to collapse at any moment like a soufflé—except rather than delicious pastry cream, it tastes like fear. 

(via My Superpower Is Being Alone Forever: Party of One | The Awl)

In defense of Pride and Prejudice’s Caroline Bingley

You know what one of the most terrible things about unrequited love is? Realizing that you were never the main character.

When you have a crush on someone, you assume you’re Elizabeth Bennett or Mr Darcy, of the beginning of what is going to be a very great love story. There are all these longing looks and coded meaning behind your friendly talk, but we all know what is going on here. Or at least you think you do.

The terrible thing about realizing that the person you were crushing on doesn’t give a rats ass about you is that all along you were actually Caroline Bingley. Don’t remember who she is? Of course you don’t, because she’s just a minor character in the story. Here’s Wikipedia to help jog your memory:

Caroline Bingley is the snobbish sister of Charles Bingley with a dowry of twenty thousand pounds. Miss Bingley harbours romantic intentions on Mr Darcy, is jealous of his growing attachment to Elizabeth, and is disdainful and rude to her.

That’s right. Caroline Bingley is the TOTAL DELUDED BUMHEAD who so stuuupidly thought she had a chance in hell next to the beautiful, smart, special ya di ya ya Elizabeth. She was but an insignificant blip in the horizons of the epic love affair that we’re all actually here to tune into (Darcy <3 Lizzy 4eVA). She makes no real impact on the storyline except to serve as an unlikeable foil to Elizabeth and to serve as a source of comic relief (where the joke is on her rather than with her.)

Sometimes I think that that’s all love really is. Two people who mutually agree to star in the same love story and render everyone else as minor characters.

Were it not for the fact that I know it’d be changed back almost immediately I’d change Caroline Bingley’s Wikipedia entry to:

Caroline Bingley is the much misunderstood sister of Charles Bingley. Like any single woman in the world she was vulnerable to romantic feelings and had the mistaken impression she and Mr Darcy would make a good match. When this turned out not to be the case she was bitterly disappointed (and perhaps unfairly took this out on Mr Darcy’s actual love interest Elizabeth, but who hasn’t been there?), but in time she got over this and eventually found a more appropriate match.

Boyfriend dreams

This is something that’s really only began in the last year or so - I’ve started having boyfriend dreams. That is, dreams where I have a boyfriend. We’re always doing super mundane things like lying on a bed (clothed) talking, or kissing.

The weird thing is that the guy in question isn’t usually someone I even have feelings for. Last night my “boyfriend” was this guy who is a mutual (and distant) friend of this guy that I do like. And I’ve even had a dream where I didn’t even want to be in the relationship, but I suppose had conceded to whatever social pressures there are on a 28 year old girl to have a boyfriend. Egads, what a thing to dream of.

I suspect these dreams have had something to do with the three weddings I’ve attended this year (and one more to go.) I have simply entered “that stage” in life where everyone you know is getting married, or already done so, and you become part of a very special breed of person because you’re still on the scene. You know, the Sex and the City age. At my recent high school reunion about half the grade had married, and the other half were all in long-term, stable relationships.

So there is a reality to face here. The pool of single people is dwindling. I don’t say that in a desperate, panicky way, just an observation. It changes the dynamic. When you’re in your teens and early 20s, there’s a youthful, flirty energy happening whenever you’re out, socially. Even if you knew people in relationships, those relationships weren’t always very serious. Which meant there was always this sweet feeling of: “anything could happen!”

But as our 20s grew to a close and people began figuring themselves out, and figuring out what they wanted in a partner, they each began to “lock someone down”. And so now that seductive, sexy air of possibility has been sucked out of socialising. Partying is, and never will be, as fun anymore - for a myriad of reasons - but I think this one in particular is high on the list.