"I desired liberty; for liberty I gasped; for liberty I uttered a prayer; it seemed scattered on the wind then faintly blowing. I abandoned it and framed a humbler supplication. For change, stimulus. That petition, too, seemed swept off into vague space. ‘Then’, I cried, half desperate, ‘grant me at least a new servitude!’"

I am currently reading Charlotte Bronte’s ‘Jane Eyre’ from which that quote is taken. And although our lives are incredibly different - hers so limited in choice, and mine too abundant, there are passages like above that I innately connect with. I grow restless in Beijing, but it is too optimistic to say I that in looking to the horizons I am seeking a freedom or stimulation that fulfils me. Simply that I look to find a new situation in which to be momentarily charmed and quickly grow dissatisfied. 

But actually I am growing used to or perhaps developing the idea of ‘home’ (a stable core) disengaged from time and physical place. That it is a mixture of coming back to Sydney and seeing my family with the frequency that I do, making the effort to see my very good friends scattered in different parts of the globe, and carrying these relationships - if not in bright and frequently written emails - at least close to my heart. Never once forgetting that they are more true and loyal to me than the excesses and fast-joys of whatever city I happen to be in. And that though we are not in each other’s lives every day (which is a very sad thing) we are still important to one another and that we can and must work hard to overcome this unfortunate handicap.

And that on the other hand all the loose links I make with all the places I go (and the fleeting friendships they offer) too is a type of relationship which works, although only in conjunction with the deeper relationships of the VIPs in my life. In that way, I have breadth as well as depth. A touch of both, both disadvantaged.